


Protecting You

by minti



Category: JO1 (Japan Band), Produce 101 (Japan TV)
Genre: Angst, F/M, I Can't Believe I Wrote This, I Don't Even Know, Love Triangles, M/M, Mutual Pining, Mystery, Suspense
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-20
Updated: 2020-05-20
Packaged: 2021-03-03 01:14:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,870
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24286474
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/minti/pseuds/minti
Summary: Junki takes on a job for Ren. It’s dangerous, and he knows it. Could he end up harming the people around him, too, after a chance reunion with Keigo?-Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents either are products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual events or locales or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental.
Relationships: Kawashiri Ren/Kono Junki, Kono Junki/Sato Keigo
Comments: 6
Kudos: 14





	Protecting You

Junki checks the information board; his gate hasn't been announced yet. This time, Junki is flying to Los Angeles, LAX.

Great, Junki thinks, another long haul flight. He's just landed in Beijing Capital Airport, after a 9 and a half hour flight from Schiphol, and hasn't slept in days.

He is alone. His job is simple. To fly around the world using the plane tickets he was given, and call Ren whenever he has a signal. It's an easy job, and it pays well. Not that Junki cares about money, really.

He remembers his conversation with Ren. Ren went to the same Uni as Junki and Keigo, but he was in microbiology or something complicated like that. Junki had seen that Ren was recruiting people to take part in human trials at his lab, and called Ren immediately. Ren had seemed reluctant to give him the job, but Junki insisted that they talk about it at Ren’s lab.

.  
.  
.

"Ren, please let me do it." Junki begs for what must've been the hundredth time.

"Junki, why?" Ren asks, exasperated. He's still in his lab coat, and has swiveled his chair around from his desk. It’s usually messy, but today, there are no documents scattered on every surface possible, no piles of books merging into one another on the floor, and no sticky notes crowded around the computer screen.

"Do you really need the money that badly?"

"Yeah." Junki lies

"Junki, we're old friends, right?" Ren puts a hand on his shoulder. "You can just ask me for money. I don't have much, but it's fine."

"But I fit all of the required criteria, so it shouldn't be a problem, right?." Junki tries again. He can tell that Ren can see how desperate he is.

Ren avoids Junki's pleading eyes, and looks at his empty deskspace instead. Junki can tell that Ren is troubled by his request. He’s been nagging at Ren for almost an hour already.

"Junki... You read the terms and conditions, right? All of them. All of the small print." He emphasises

"I know which bit you're referring to." Junki assures him in a lowered voice. "I understand what I'm getting myself into. I want to do the job."

“No you don’t know, Junki. Not at all.” Ren shakes his head strongly. "But.... well, maybe it's better that way."

"Is that a yes?" Junki clutches Ren's hands in his, his eyes instantly lighting up.

"Junki...." He looks pained. “Don’t do this”

"Please." Junki looks directly into Ren’s eyes encouragingly.

Ren frowns his eyebrows and looks down at their hands. He lets out a heavy sigh.

"Is this because of Keigo?" He says quietly.

Junki flinches violently at the name. For the past few days, he’s been feeling like molten metal. Molten metal with a thin, shiny layer of grey just resting above a sea of excruciating fire. Ren’s words had stirred him up, and exposed this inner layer for a brief second, but Junki quickly masks it again.

"That's none of your business." He says coldly.

He doesn't mean to snap at Ren, but he can't help it. Of course Ren knows. They'd never talked about Junki's feelings for Keigo, but it must've been so glaringly obvious. The three of them had spent four years together at Uni, almost every single day.

Ren sighs.

"I don't want to give you this job." He says weakly

"Please." Junki begs. "Ren. It's a fifty fifty chance, right? I came here knowing the risks, you don’t have to feel responsible for what happens."

“Junki… I’d almost forgotten how fucking stubborn you are for a second.” Ren leans back in his chair, and looks up at the ceiling. "You understand the risks of the job, but not the consequences of it."

“So tell me the consequences.” Junki is adamant.

“You really don’t know how to give up, do you? ….Fine.” Ren gives in reluctantly, worn out by Junki’s advances.

“I can tell you the consequences, but you’ll wish you never asked.”

.  
.  
.

Junki sits down with a cold can of coke next to a charging station. He should call Ren soon, but his phone is dead.

Ren did give Junki a chance to see friends and family before he left for the job, but he chose not to. He wanted to leave as soon as possible, and the one person he wanted to see wouldn’t be there anyway.

He was actually enjoying the job. Travelling took his mind off things, and spending time alone gave him a chance to process his thoughts. If he tried hard enough, he could even pretend that he didn't have a home, and that he had never had a life in Japan. He had no friends, no family, he was just an observer, anonymous, just like everyone else in the airport.

Yes, he could even almost forget about Keigo.

Junki and Keigo had gone to the same high school, and the same university, and had then ended up in the same job. They were inseparable. He was happy that he could see Keigo every day, but it was painful at the same time, like an old wound would never fucking heal.

"Junki?"

A voice cuts across the noise of the crowded airport. It’s instantly recognisable. The voice. Junki knows it all too well. He hears it every day. It’s unmistakable.

He snaps his head around in disbelief. There he is. Keigo. In Beijing.

With his wife.

"Junki? It is you! I thought it was you but I wasn't sure!" Keigo says excitedly, waving widely as he walks over to Junki

"Hi Junki! Wow, this is such a coincidence!" His wife follows a few steps behind.

She's smiling happily, like the newly-wed she is. When she catches up to Keigo, she holds Keigo's hand, leaning her full body against his arm. Junki looks away quickly.

"How come you guys are in Beijing?" He asks with a smile.

"We're getting a transfer flight! You know we spent a week in Shanghai for our honeymoon, right?" She answers, delighted at the chance to tell the world about her happy marriage.

"I see, so now you're heading to New York."

"That's right! Junki, how come you're here?" She asks in return

"I'm visiting my cousin" He lies, still with the same smile.

He hates Keigo's wife. She's too nice. If she was horrible to Keigo, or unfaithful, or even if she just had an annoying voice, then Junki would be able to hate her, and make everything her fault. But she was like an angel on Earth. She was pretty, smart, funny, kind, well-liked, sociable, talented, the list goes on. Junki despised her.

Keigo, who was listening to their conversation silently until now, puts his hand on Junki's shoulder.

"Hey, Junki, could we go talk somewhere quiet for a second?"

Junki flinches at his touch. He knows he shouldn't go. He knows he shouldn't. Keigo sees him hesitating.

I'll be careful, Junki tells himself. I won't let anything bad happen.

"Okay" Junki nods, and Keigo smiles. He leads the way, signalling to his wife that we'll be right back, and kisses her on the cheek before he goes.

As they walk, Junki makes sure to pull his mask up over his face from where it was hanging around his neck. He doesn't trust himself to keep a calm face in front of Keigo anyway.

"Have you got a cold?" Keigo notices the mask

"Dust allergy" Junki shrugs

"Really? Since when?"

"What is it you wanted to talk about?" Junki changes the subject. He's anxious.

"Wait. I want to go somewhere more private.."

They've reached a group of gates which aren't currently expecting flights, and the waiting areas are almost empty. Keigo takes Junki into the men's bathroom.

"It's empty." Keigo notes. "Come in a cubicle with me" He leads the way.

"Keigo? Why can't we just talk about it where we were a second ago by the sinks?"

"I don't want to be .. interrupted. I don't want to talk about this here either but I can't hold it back anymore, not after-"

"Hey, what's wrong?" Junki asks, concerned by keigo’s sudden rambling.

"Junki… I'm sorry." Keigo starts. He grabs the material of each of Junki's sleeves as he speaks, and his hands are shaking. Junki needs to get away, desperately. Their eyes meet for a split of a second, and Keigo quickly looks down.

"I- I've loved you. For years. I still do. I never got to tell you. If I didn't tell you now then I didn't think I ever could-"

"W-what?" Junki is dumbfounded.

"I know, I don't know how I'd react in your situation either, this is sudden and selfish of me, but you’re the one that I love. You’re the one that I’ve always-"

Junki’s emotions knot and twist inside him. He wants to burst into tears and sob. These were the words that he'd always longed to hear, from the one person in the whole world that he wanted to hear them from. He'd wanted this moment for so painfully long.

But not like this.

"Keigo… you're a married man." He manages in a small voice.

"I-" Keigo pauses for a long time. "She was pregnant. What else could I do?"

Junki forgets how to breathe for a second.

"..... You don't mean that" Junki whispers

Keigo still can't bring himself to look at Junki. He just nods instead.

Junki feels his rage bubble up vigorously inside him. He grabs Keigo's shirt and slams him against the wall of the cubicle, sending a dense bang ricocheting around the bathroom.

"What the fuck!?" He yells. "What the hell Keigo? You're better than this."

"I'm sorry."

Junki relaxes his grip on Keigo slightly. He doesn't know how to feel right now. He can feel angry tears clawing at the back of his eyes to be let loose. There was happiness, then sadness, then anger, and confusion, and tiredness, and also hurt. So much hurt.

"If you loved me, then why were you with her?" His voice breaks

Keigo doesn't answer.

"Tell me." Junki says quietly but strongly, pushing Keigo against the wall harder. "Why would you do this?"

".....She loved you." Keigo whispers.

Junki lets go of Keigo. He doesn't know what to say.

"I'm sorry Junki. It was selfish of me, but I wanted to tell you once."

"Why didn't you tell me years ago?” Junki whispers

“You never liked me.”

“That's not true” junki shakes his head.

Keigo steps towards Junki slowly, in disbelief.

“Junki, can I kiss y-”

“No.”

Junki impulsively pushes Keigo away, slamming him against the opposite wall of the cubicle again. He can see the hurt in Keigo’s face, in the way that the corners of his lips are tightened, and his head full of curly hair droops sadly. Junki’s chest tightens..

Junki leans against the other wall, taking deep, heavy breaths, trying his best to come to his senses and not get carried away. He needs to be extremely careful around Keigo, and he is painfully aware of it. He takes a moment to be grateful for the fact that he was still wearing his mask, or else he knew that Keigo would’ve kissed him then and there, and he wouldn't have been able to stop him.

“If you still love me, please let me kiss you just once.” Keigo tries again, weakly.

“No.” Junki says in a low voice, barely audible.”I can’t. I do love you Keigo. Keigo, I would die for you, believe me, but I can’t kiss you.”

Junki hates the whole situation. He does love Keigo, so much that it hurts, yet he can’t show him properly. If only he wasn’t doing Ren’s job, Junki would never have had to push Keigo away and see his hurt face.

“...Okay.” Keigo gives in.

He offers Junki a small smile of apology as he leans up off the wall behind him, and starts to walk out of the cubicle. “I’m sorry I asked. I’m so sorry Junki, for every-”

“Wait!”

The word leaves Junki’s mouth before he has a chance to stop them, but he does manage to stop keigo from leaving, even if it's only momentarily. His heart is breaking rapidly but he needs to think on his feet and say something, anything to stop Keigo from leaving.

“Would you be willing to die for me?”

“What?” Keigo looks confused.

“Would you die for me?” Junki repeats himself. He doesn’t know why that was the first thing he said. “I’ll only kiss you if you’re willing to die for me.”

“That’s quite dramatic Junki.” Keigo laughs “Yes, Junki yes. I’d die for you.”

Keigo returns, and leans his face towards Junki’s again. Junki hurriedly pushes him away.

“Y-you’re not taking it seriously enough. You don’t really mean it. Would you be willing to die, and also kill your wife?”

“Junki.. You don’t have to lie.. If you don’t like me back then just say it, it’s fine, honestly.””

“I do! Keigo I love you so much, it’s just… you wouldn’t believe me if I told you, but please, please, trust me on this one. I’ll only kiss you if you would be willing to die in the very near future. But I wouldn’t want that, Keigo.”

Keigo holds his head in his hands, massaging his temples.

“You’re not making any sense, Junki. I don’t understand.”

“I know. I’m sorry.” He is on the verge of tears.

“Junki, I’ve loved you for 10 years. Since high school. Didn’t you tell me that you feel the same? Isn’t that enough?”

It would be, Junki thinks. In another other situation, Junki would’ve happily leapt into Keigo’s arms without hesitation, and never tried to leave. He would’ve proposed that they run away together, they’re in an airport already, they could go wherever they wanted. Junki was being paid a substantial amount of money, after all. Keigo wanted him, and that was all that Junki needed.

Junki can feel his tears, hot against his skin, streaking down his face and making his mask soggy.

“Keigo, I love you” He whispers. “But I can’t be with you. I don’t know how.”

“Why, Junki?” Keigo’s voice trembles from holding back tears of his own.

Junki just shakes his head, and wipes his tears away.

“Kiss me over my mask?”

Keigo leans in, gratefully. He envelops Junki in his long and firm arms, cradling Junki’s head in his palm as he kisses Junki over his mask softly. Junki doesn’t have the heart to push him away anymore. Surely a little bit is okay, right? He closes his eyes and kisses Keigo back. His mask is salty with his tears, and dampened from both of their lips, and their hot breath.

Junki’s heart is pounding, and searing with hurt, but right now, right here, is the most comfortable place Junki has been in years, nestled in Keigo’s arms.

All too soon, Keigo pulls away, and offers Junki a small smile, sniffing back tears.

“I’m sorry” Keigo mumbles. He turns to leave, undoing the lock on the cubicle door. Junki doesn’t stop him.

“Bye Junki” He says quietly, stepping out of the cubicle.

Junki covers his mouth with his sleeve, and listens to Keigo’s footsteps as they move away past the sinks, and out of the bathroom door.

Junki waits until the door closes completely before collapsing against the wall behind him, breaking into a loud sob as he slides onto the floor. He hugs his knees tightly to his chest and buries his head in them: mostly to try to stifle the noise, but also longing in vain to feel a warmth similar to when Keigo held him.

He feels so lonely. That was the first long conversation he had had with someone in person for days. He has been constantly travelling, and is exhausted physically and mentally, and now emotionally. If only things were just a little bit different. Everything would’ve changed.

The worst thing was, that he had conditioned himself to give up hope on Keigo. He didn’t even dare to wish for anything from Keigo anymore, because it hurt too much. But he didn’t want to be rejected either. It was easier to simply accept the fact that nothing would happen between him and Keigo,

But Keigo, with his lovely droopy eyes and long, floppy hair, confessed to him today.

It almost made him dare to hope again, and for a brief second, the wall Junki had built was forced open. And he was powerless to shut it again. Junki’s painful love for Keigo rushed out, breaking that crack open wider and wider. He has no choice but to let all of his locked up emotions wash over him in turn, these old, ripened emotions he had tried to ignore for so long, which came back to him now with a vengeance.

.  
.  
.

Eventually, Junki goes back to where he was charging his phone. He needs to call Ren. Urgently. Keigo’s girlfriend is still standing by the charging station, looking concerned.

“You’ve been gone a while!” She notes “Your phone’s finished charging, by the way.”

“Thanks.” His voice doesn’t come out right, it is too deep and rough from crying for so long. He clears his throat. “Where did Keigo go?”

“He went to look at the information board. I think our gate was just announced.” She looks at Junki carefully.

“This might not be the right time to say it... but did you know that I used to like you?” She asks. She says it lightly, and it doesn’t sound forced. Junki is glad.

“Yeah, Keigo just told me earlier.”

“Please don’t tell me that’s why you both look like you’ve been crying.” She looks genuinely concerned.

“No. Don’t worry. It’s not that.” Junki assures her. “It’s... something between just the two of us.”

“That’s good.” She sighs with relief. “It is true that I liked you first, but right now I love Keigo only. He treats me really well, you know.”

Keigo’s words flash through Junki’s head.

_She was pregnant. What else could I do?_

“Yeah.” He puts on a smile. “I know.”

Junki picks up his phone and charger.

“Thank you for watching my phone for me. I’ve got to go now, but you two enjoy the rest of your honeymoon, okay? Say bye to Keigo for me.” He tells her, as he hugs her as he leaves. She looks like there’s more that she wants to say, but Junki doesn’t really want to see her right now.

Immediately after parting, Junki rushes frantically to a quiet space and calls Ren. He picks up immediately.

“Ren? Ren? Hello?”

“Hi Junki, how are you doing? You're in… Beijing, is it?”

“Ren. Tell me, will I infect someone if we kiss over my mask?” He asks urgently

“...Huh?” Ren is taken aback.

“Just tell me. Please.” Junki says quickly, running a hand through his hair.

“Uh.. how long have you been using the mask?”

“Uhhh probably 10 hours, but I wasn't wearing it over my mouth for pretty much all of it, because you told me not to.” Junki bites his lip anxiously.

Ren’s answer could decide whether Keigo lives or dies. It was stupid of Junki to kiss Keigo, even if it was over a mask, but he was hoping it would be safe, It was the biggest gamble he had ever made in his life.

“I’m not really sure. We haven't done trials any trials on kissing with masks to be honest, but I do think there’ll still be quite a fair chance-”

“Fuck fuck fuck fuck” Junki mutters to himself. He let himself get carried away in the moment, and the regret is beginning to gush in.

“Junki… I want you to calm down and listen to me, okay?” Ren tells him sternly. “Junki, what's wrong? And why are you kissing people over your mask?”

“I- I met keigo”

He can hear Ren take a sharp intake of breath on the other end of the phone.

“Fuck, what have I done?” Junki rambles. His words spill out of him like puke. “He could die. And it's my fault. It’s all my fault, and it will probably kill his wife as well, and even though I still hate her, I hate her so fucking much, she's done nothing wrong. We were already in a confined space together breathing the same air, he’d probably get infected either way. I’m so stupid, fuck-”

“Junki. Junki. Calm down. It's okay”

“No it's not!” Junki is frantic. “I just wanted to kiss him so badly, I finally get the one chance that I’d been dreaming of for years, but I couldn’t do a single thing because I’m in the middle of helping you kickstart your goddamn global pandemic!”

“Junki, the line might be tapped-” Junki isn’t listening.

“Because I’m the carrier of a deadly virus with a fairly high mortality rate? He wouldn’t believe that even if I told him. He’d just think that I was telling the first lie that I came up with, and that I’m not even taking him seriously. He’d just leave immediately. But god, have I fucked this up. I’ve fuck it all up-”

“Junki, it's fine, listen to me-”

“No! Stop telling me that it’s okay! He was the one person I needed to avoid! The one person in the world! Please tell me I did the right thing. Please tell me that I protected him. I protected him and his wife and their future child. He won’t die, right?”

“No. he won’t. I'm sure of it-”

“How can you be so sure though? You’re probably just telling me that so you don’t hurt my feelings. And anyway, you said there's still a lot that you don't know about the virus-”

“Junki, give me a chance to speak!” Ren raises his voice. Junki shuts up instantly.

“You’re not even listening to what I say!. Just please let me explain this. I need you to listen to me.”

“Okay” Junki finally calms down, taking deep breaths. Ren has always been the one who knew what to do in a bad situation, and would calmly give him and Keigo advice. Junki now finds himself clinging to Ren desperately like a lifeline.

“As far as I know, you’re not carrying a deadly virus at all. So it would be impossible for Keigo to catch it from you, unless you were exposed to the virus outside my lab.”

“Stop. What!?” Junki puts his head in his hands. He can’t process what Ren is saying.

“You can go home if you want, and you can keep the money, I’ll transfer the last of it to you by the end of today”

“That's not the issue here! You didn't give me the virus? You literally injected me!”

“I didn’t give you the virus, no. I only injected you with water Junki” Ren explains calmly.

Junki loses his words. He doesn’t know how to feel, which seems to be happening quite a lot today. He knows that he should feel relief, relief that he didn’t give Ren’s virus to Keigo. But more than that, right now in the moment, he feels anger that Ren lied to him.

“Why? Why did you do that? Why didn’t you just fucking give it to me like I asked? I knew full well what I was getting into. I could’ve kissed Keigo! I wouldn’t have had to push him away like that!”

“Because I love you.” Ren says in a small voice.

“Yeah me too Ren, but I really fucking hate you right now. I could've just kissed him! I don't know if I’ll ever get a chance again. He’s married, for fucks sake. But I love him so much, Ren. How am I meant to give up on him now? I wish you'd just given me the virus like I asked.”

“No, Junki” Ren sighs.

He continues in a hollow voice. “I meant love as in love love. I’ve loved you for years Junki. But you always loved keigo, and I was always there for you. Always. But you never showed any interest in me. I still loved you, but I was so scared of losing you by saying anything and letting you know how I felt, because I know you wouldn’t feel the same. I couldn’t give you the virus Junki, because I fucking love you, and I don’t want you to get hurt.”

Ren sounded sad. Sad and bitter. But Junki himself was also hurt, and was too blinded by it to see that Ren was hurting in much the same way.

“I don’t care Ren. I asked for the virus and you said that you’d give it to me.”

“You came to me, on the day after Keigo’s wedding, asking me to let you do this dangerous job. You were pleading so hard that I eventually said yes, but I decided that I would give you a placebo instead. I wasn’t about to assist your impulsive suicide, Junki.”

“Fuck you Ren.” Junki says weakly. He doesn’t know what else to say. Ren is right. Ren is always fucking right.

“I'm sorry Junki. I'm sorry. Please come home.” Ren says quietly.

“No, Ren, I’m sorry. You’re right. This is just a lot to process right now, and I know that I’ve said awful things. I just don’t know what to do anymore.”

“It’s okay Junki. It’s fine. Just please come back to Japan.”

“No. I’m going to find Keigo.”

“Please don't”

“Why?”

“Junki…don’t you get it?” Ren is almost whispering, his voice breaking. “I just confessed to you”

“Sorry. I'm so sorry Ren. I just... need to do this right now”

“... I hope you find him.” Ren sighs, and hangs up.

Junki regrets it instantly. He can’t seem to do anything right today. He desperately tries to call Ren back, but he keeps hanging up on him.

Junki feels even more alone than before. He has managed to lose the two people he cares about most in the world, in only one day.

With guilt bearing heavily on him, he runs back to the charging station, all while still calling Ren, over and over and over. Of course, Keigo and his wife aren’t there. Junki goes to check the large information board, and looks for… was it New York they were headed to? He finds the flight, and sees that it is currently boarding.

Junki runs across the airport. He needs to hurry. Not that he cares about his appearance at this point, but he does appreciate the fact that running in airports is acceptable. Right now, every single person feels in the way. Junki just runs, breathing quickly, fighting back tears, chest burning.

He reaches Keigo’s gate. Passengers are still boarding, but he can’t see Keigo. He realises now that he should’ve just called Keigo instead, that it would reach him much quicker than running across the entire terminal, but he was using his phone to keep trying to get through to Ren. Junki hurriedly tries calling Keigo now, still looking about the boarding passengers and trying to catch his breath.

“ _The number you have called is currently not available. Please try again later, or leave-_ ”

Junki hangs up. Of course. Of course his phone isn’t available. Keigo will have his phone on airplane mode.

Junki stays where he is, just standing, watching the passengers pass the final gates, one by one. As time passes, despair begins to creep into Junki. As the line of passengers dwindle, he only becomes more and more certain that Keigo has already boarded the plane. Even so, he waits until all of the passengers have boarded the plane, but he still didn't see Keigo.

‘It’s just typical Keigo,’ Junki thinks, ‘Of course he's flying in business class and has boarded before everyone else.’

Keigo has slipped away from him, and Junki even pushed him away. He remembers Keigo's hurt expression, the dull shininess in his eyes. He knows he’s really fucked up this time.

He texts Ren. He can't reach Keigo, but there's still a chance to get through to Ren. Junki can't lose both of them. He simply can't. He just wants to throw it all away.

Junki:  
ren, first of all, i’m so sorry. i’m so, so sorry. i’ve been awful to you. i’m sorry i don’t feel the same, but you mean so, so much to me ren, please understand.

Junki:  
i literally don't deserve you.

Junki:  
i know you won't give it to me, but is there any of the virus left?

Ren:  
no

Ren:  
but you can come and catch it from me if you want

Junki:  
you’re joking

Junkii:  
… right?

Ren:  
nope.

Ren:  
check your bank details.

Junki:  
????

Junki:  
WHAT THE FUCK

Junki:  
ren that's TOO MUCH MONEY

Junki:  
i’m sending it back

Ren:  
i’ve closed my bank account

Junki:  
ren, please, no

Ren:  
i’ll probably be in even more trouble if i survive though lmao. i’ll be hunted down and arrested for the virus thing in the near future anyway

Junki:  
ren, since when did you have it??? why didn’t you tell me??

Junki:  
what, no!?? you’ve gotta survive it wtf, ren, please

Ren:  
delete my contact and clear your phone history and data. turn it off completely, and if possible, open the back cover and smash the insides to tiny pieces, and throw it away in a few separate bins. i’ll do the same with this phone. the money i sent should be more than enough to buy a new one.

Junki:  
??????

Junki:  
then i can’t contact you.

Junki:  
ren, please don’t disappear

Ren:  
that's the point, junki.

Junki:  
NO

Ren:  
i’m protecting you, one last time

Junki:  
ren please dnt go i need yoy

Ren:  
i’ve deleted all social media as well, so don’t try to contact or meet me. bye junki

Junki:  
ren, i’ve always looked up to you so much and i’m so thankful to have you in my life. i’m so sorry for everything

Ren:  
i love you

Junki:  
ren, i’m getting a plane back to japan right now  
**(!) Not delivered**

Junki:  
you can’t do this. please don’t  
**(!) Not Delivered**

Junki:  
i’m coming to see you right now  
**(!) Not delivered**

Junki:  
ren???  
**(!) Not Delivered**

Junki:  
i'm so sorry  
**(!) Not Delivered**

Junki:  
please come back.  
**(!) Not Delivered**

 **.**  
.  
.

A few months have passed. Junki missed his flight to L.A., and was left in the airport for a full day. He was miserable. Just utterly miserable. After 11 hours, Keigo called Junki back after he landed in New York and saw all of the missed calls.

Junki apologised. He wanted to explain the situation to Keigo over the phone, but now he understood that it's not safe. It could put both of them and also Ren in danger. All he could do was apologise. Again.

“Keigo… have you been in contact with Ren recently?”

“ _No, I haven’t, no. What’s up?_ ”

“I can’t call or text or message him. It’s okay though. Anyway, it’s nothing. Have fun in New York.”

“ _Junki, I still love you_ ” Keigo whispers into the phone.

“Me too Keigo. I love you too.”

On the news, a few months later, Ren’s face was shown on TV. A global pandemic had broken out, and it was wreaking havoc on human civilisation. Half of society across the globe was shut down, and there were quarantines and lockdowns and self-isolations going on all over the world.

The FBI had successfully traced its origins, and arrested Kawashiri Ren alive, charging him guilty of manufacture of a lethal biological weapon, intentionally spreading it, and also fraud. He had used a few other carriers other than Junki, who he had frauded into the job, under the pretense of human trials of a new drug.

Junki doesn’t know why Ren did it. Maybe it was for the same self-destructive reason as Junki when he asked Ren for the job, knowing fully well that it could kill him, and many other people.

Watching this news was the first time Junki had known that Ren was still alive. He was glad that Ren was alive. He wanted to talk to him, and apologise again. He realised that him and Ren were similar, too similar, and that Junki had done the exact same thing to Keigo. They were both keeping secrets, and pushed the person they loved away in order to keep them safe. But they both gave in a little bit, Ren in accepting Junki’s request, and Junki in kissing Keigo over his mask.

But they both ended up hurting the person they were trying to protect, even if they thought they were doing the right thing.

Things are still complicated between Junki and Keigo. Things have changed now that Ren has gone. They’re at a standstill, unable to move on. Keigo was always busy, and he struggled to sneak out of the house to meet Junki, and every time they met, Junki couldn’t help but feel bad for Keigo’s wife. She hadn’t done anything wrong. They were a married couple, and she was even carrying a child. Junki didn’t want to be a homewrecker, and make everything even worse.

Even if Keigo didn’t love her now, maybe he would in time. She was a really nice person after all, pretty, smart, funny, kind, well-liked, sociable, talented, the list goes on.

‘Ah,’ Junki thinks,

‘I really do hate her after all.’

.  
.  
.

\------- epilogue -------

_Wednesday XXth Month, 20XX_

_Apparently I’ve been in this prison for a month now, but it doesn’t seem like that long. Then again, it does seem like ages ago that I called [redacted] when he was in Beijing, but then again, that was 3 months ago. Then again, time doesn’t really matter when you’ve been sentenced to life imprisonment._

_I don’t know if there’s anything else that I wish I had said to [redacted]. I could’ve told him that I loved him a few thousand times more, but I think that’s probably about it._

_I’m glad that I didn’t tell him about the injection. I survived the virus anyway, just by chance. I realized how [redacted] felt then, angry that I couldn’t just be punished, even if I wanted it so badly. Even I felt angry at myself when the virus didn’t take my life. But if I had died, I know that it would’ve made [redacted] feel much worse, had he known that I used the virus injection that was meant for him._

_Well, originally, it was meant for me. I was meant to be the last carrier, and do all of the flying, and die in some foreign airport somewhere where no one would know my name. And he was so worried when he thought he’d infected [redacted 2]. It made me happy that he was worried about me as well, even if it was only over text, and he was angry with me at the time. Maybe I do wish I’d talked to him more._

_On the positive side, I guess, this does mean that I can finally give up on him completely. I have my whole life to do it, after all._

_._  
.  
.


End file.
